Entry 1: Connectedness

“I don’t know how to gauge who I am anymore…I fear not knowing who I am.”
-Will Graham, Hannibal TV Series

Do you spend too much time in your own head? I do. Not on purpose though. It’s like I randomly decided to build a cage, and only once I was done realized I built it all around myself. And of course I forgot a door. Psh, who needs one of those? Now I’m stuck. With so much time spent in your own head, how can you possibly be with other people? I’m not going to tell you how, because I don’t know. I am hoping to find someone with an answer, and someone who shares my thoughts.

This blog is a result of my constant failures in trying to form a senses of connectedness  the old-fashioned way. I’m not sure why. Eh…well if I’m being honest, it could be because I was raised by an agoraphobic grandmother who kept me and my brother in a closet throughout the entirety of our childhood, but I won’t pull her into this. She’s resting in peace and I’ll keep it that way. I don’t know what’s up with me though. I’m just not like everybody else.

Everybody feels different to an extent. And a lot of people feel like no one out there is like them. I feel that way, sure. ‘How could anyone feel like me,’ right? But somebody has to be out there like me. Another member of my species, if you will. Because I’m feeling like the last of my kind.

“I find people around me are all making some kind of connection, like friendship, or romance. But human bonds always lead to messy complications…”

-Dexter Morgan, Dexter

Me and people are like oil and water. You can shake us around and mix us up, but no matter what I’m always left rolling across the surface, so superficial. What is it? Do I look like the creatures of nightmares? Snarl without knowing? Or can people just sense how empty I am?

Do you feel like me? Do you feel stuck in that same rut? Like some days all you can think about doing is giving up? Alone, like no matter what you do, it’s never enough?

I invite you to read my About Me Page and make Contact if you’d like to get to know me. Or if you just have any questions. Thanks everyone!

Sincerely,

Mr. Hush

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