Do you remember it? “Young love,” as they call it. Back in elementary and middle school, when the butterflies were real and the feelings were as innocent as us?
Do you remember? I do. I can call upon the memories and watch the projections play so vividly it’s like I’m wearing virtual reality glasses. I remember the scenes so well because my 6th grade love was the last I had. It’s the last time I remember feeling anything for anyone–not including my family.
Do we change as we age? Some say yay, others–nay. Personally, I have to say yes. I am, without a doubt, not the same person. Where that caring emphatic boy went, I’ll never know. To a grave it seems.
I feel as empty as a shed skin; as lifeless as a corpse. I don’t feel like I’m dying, I feel like I’m already dead. I’m a vessel, a shell wearing a cracked mask of who I used to be. And all I want is to feel alive again, just so I can feel that elementary love again. Hopes tower but crumble so quick. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to revive those feelings again. The trail is looking endless…and quite isolated.
Her name was Kayla. She was the new girl. My hormonal friends tried hitting on her in the most piggish of ways. I was shy; for some reason she liked that. Our breakup wasn’t intentional. My father got a job 800 miles away and we had to move. Maybe I left a piece of me back with her…
“I wanna cry and I wanna love, but all my tears have been used up…on another love.”
-Tom Odell, Another Love
And that’s all I want–to cry. To love. To love hard and feel the butterflies flutter their wings, if even for just one last time. I want to feel the excitement and the rush, our lips to touch and then the blush…but all my tears have been used up.
Do you remember your first crush? Feel free to share in the comments. Also, if you liked this post, then I’d recommend checking out my last post, Entry 1: Connectedness–it’s quite similar. Thanks for reading everyone!
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