Blogging, Journaling

Who am I?

Too often we find ourselves so lost in our day-to-day routine that we lose touch with ourselves. Seems like not too many people today see the therapy in self-reflection. Have you looked into a mirror lately? Seen your reflection at all? Did you see what you were expecting, or could you barely recognize what stared back?

Hey there! It’s nice to meet you. My name is…shh–it’s not important. 😉 The important thing to know is this: I’m human, just like you. And I’m sure we have more in common than you know. Care to compare reflections?

I’m a night owl, and an early bird. I hardly sleep but I’m living the dream. Or am I living a dream? In the morning, I like to wake up with an espresso in hand and The Today Show on the TV. How enjoyable the town is when it’s still asleep. I like to sit on my apartment balcony overlooking the shopping centers and watch the sunrise. Sunrises and sunsets–a low-key obsession of mine.img_0313.jpg

My days tend to start out optimistic. I take advantage of a high morale and try to get some writing done. I work in HVAC in the wonderful TX heat 10 hours a day 6 days a week. It’s exhausting but pay is good.

I’m really just a normal guy with dreams of being a writer. It can be hard–time-wise–when I get home at 8 everyday. I barely have enough time to shower and make dinner before I have to lay down and get ready to do it all over again. But this is what I signed up for. I’ve gotten the apartment I’ve wanted since I was 17, I’ve just gotten a raise…I’m living lavida loca. Still, this isn’t all I thought it’d be.

See any similarities yet? Allow me to focus the reflection, see if I can’t make it clearer.

I want this, I need that. I want it until I get it and it seems I never know what I’ve got until it’s gone. Trying to make up my mind is like witnessing a war being waged between Heaven and Hell.

I’m so lost in my dreams I don’t know if I could have a relationship even if I carved out the time. I’m only 23, but Lord I’m so impatient. I want it and can’t wait. Dreams are made, and I can’t stop til I make it. I need to grow up a bit but maybe I’m growing up too fast. It’s been awhile since I’ve laughed…genuinely.

I feel too much, I don’t feel enough. My emotions are like nukes in a glass box and I’m on the outside, watching. Sometimes I wanna hit; at times, scream. Sometimes I feel like exploding into a black hole and taking the whole world with me, consuming everything in a burst.

I feel so alone but sometimes it’s like people won’t leave me alone. I can’t seem to connect and it’s tearing me apart. I wanna feel like other people, feel what they feel.

IMG_0998My little brother made this picture of me and I thought it seemed appropriate. 🙂

“As much as I may have pretended otherwise, for so long all I wanted was to be like other people, to feel what they felt. But now that I do, I just want it to stop.”

-Dexter Morgan, Dexter

I’m my own worst enemy, my own best friend. I reach for dreams beyond my grasp, but I’m weighing me down. I hate who I am but I’m in love with who I want to be. I’m full of myself and myself is as empty as…
My most reflective quality though? I have 6 pillows on my bed but only use the same one every. single. night.

“I’ve been thinking that I think too much.”

–Eden, Gravity

I’m not human, and our reflections aren’t alike at all. You wouldn’t like mine. You wouldn’t like me. If you think you would, then forget about who you think I am–because how could you like me if I barely even do?

What does your reflection look like? Step back, let your mind’s eye adjust. Focus. Don’t be afraid to see it clearly. We are who we are.

Thanks for reading.
-MisterHush

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1 thought on “Who am I?”

  1. I think we are who we forge ourselves to be not what others make of us. I believe that we should take one day at a time and live it according to our way. My own reflection I do not know exactly what I would call it but I am sure in time I will be able to identify.

    Liked by 1 person

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