“No one knows what it’s like to be the bad man, to be the sad man, behind blue eyes. No one knows what it’s like to be hated, to be faded, to telling only lies.”
I feel like no one knows me–the real me. The me I keep hidden, buried, afraid to let free. Afraid that if anyone sees, they’d all be bound to scream and flee.
I feel like a disappointment to those I care for the most. As much as I wanna feel like I belong with them, I fear I don’t.
I feel so misplaced in this world, everywhere I go.
Though it’s how I spend most of my time, I don’t always want to be alone.
I feel like an evil little angel. I’ve done things I know I should feel ashamed of, but I don’t. I’m a monster deep down, I know. Ice cold. I try being human but I can’t. I’m broke.
I’m 23-years-old and I’ve been on my own for 5 years, but I’m still such a child. I’m irresponsible, impulsive, and I forget my dentist appointment every once in a while. It sucks cause every tooth in my mouth is a sweet one. Then again, I don’t really smile.
As much as I may have pretended otherwise, all I’ve wanted is to fit in; be like everyone else. But in my time of trying to fit in, I lost myself. Now I’m not sure who I am or if I have any self left to give. I’d ask for help, but there’s no one around to listen.
I’m beyond terrified to fail, and at night, alone in my head, it sounds like hell.
“But my dreams, they aren’t as empty, as my conscience seems to be.”
Thanks for reading 🙂