“Cause I’m a fucking mess sometimes, but still I could always be whatever you wanted, but not what you needed, especially when you’ve been needing me.”
-Eden, Drugs
In a world where part of being normal seems to require some sort of relationship–romantic or friendly–it’s easy to feel out of place; particularly when so many couples today feel the need to share their entire lives together over Instagram.
*Cue eye-roll
Can you smell the jealousy? Hear the envy in just the writing alone? Of course you can. Because it’s there. It’s not that I don’t want it–it’s that experience has taught me I’m better off without it. As is whatever poor soul that could eventually end up with me.
You’re welcome.
“Cause I have nothing for you; I can’t love when I can’t even love myself.”
Why.
Maybe it’s because I can’t quite be myself.
Can’t really gauge who I am
Maybe I need help
Help that you can’t give
Maybe I can’t let things go
Hanging on to what drags me down slow
Maybe I just like being broke
Maybe I can’t stop looking for the end
Terrified of losing something real
Even before it begins
Afraid of what I may feel
Maybe I know deep down
I can’t give you what you deserve
So I should just leave now
To keep you from getting hurt
“No we’re just having sex, no I could never call this love. Oh no, I think I’m catching feelings I don’t know. If this is everything I feel, just hold on.”
Thanks for reading!
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“Maybe I just like being broke.”
I must say, most people are like that. Maybe we’re not aware, but there’s this part of us that wants to wallow in that pit of darkness. That no matter how we love to move up and be a light, there’s this part where we actually don’t wanna be. I don’t know if I’m even making sense. But you know, I believe we can actually do something about our circumstances or whatever it’s called. No matter how little it can be, we can do something. Nothing’s easy 🙂
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Exactly. Lol it doesn’t really make sense but yeah that’s how it can be. For me, it’s like I’m afraid if I reach that point in life where I’m always happy then there won’t be any drive pushing me to reach my other goals. Like writing. Good to know there’s others out there. Haha
Thanks for the comment 🙂
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Yeah, when we’re happy, expect to experience sadness soon. It’s always like that. Always an opposition to everything.
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“particularly when so many couples today feel the need to share their entire lives together over Instagram.”
Seriously…and not just couples. People in general wanting to edit themselves for others to see. To leave the mess behind.
“…As is whatever poor soul that could eventually end up with me.”
I know I I barely know you…but everyone has their shadows. EVERY ONE. Especially the people who don’t think that they do.
And this definitely relates to above. We think we are supposed to be a certain way before having a relationship, like we have to meet certain internal qualifications…but what is what is actually needed is our own honesty about ourselves, willingness to work on it, and compassion during the process?
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