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Thinking About You.

“My eyes don’t shed tears, but boy they bawl when I’m thinking about you. I’ve been thinking about you. Do you think about me still?”

-Frank Ocean, Thinkin Bout You

Did you know the average woman finds “The One” at age 25 and guys at 28? In general, roughly half of people find their life partners in their twenties.

I hate that I read that, because now I feel like there’s a specific timeframe and ticking timer. Tick Tick…. Yikes!

What scares me more though, is the daunting possibility that I’ve already met “The One” but let her get away. I mean, I’m that kind of guy. A beautiful girl could walk right up to me wearing a brightly-colored shirt with the words “I’m the One” written on the front, and I wouldn’t even notice.

Me, I’m always a bit too lost in myself. Gotta do something about that.

But I wasn’t always like this. There was a moment in my life when I looked beyond myself, and what I saw was someone very special. I even watched long enough to see her go.

“Or do you not think so far ahead? Cause I’ve been thinking about forever…”

Thinkin ’bout you.

We had quite the relationship, didn’t we? A breathtaKing rollercoaster ride to say the least. There were never any words and there still aren’t. Maybe if the words insane, dreamy, goofy, freaky, and painful could all be morphed into one word, that’d be it.

Everything wAs so perfect in the beginning–so lively. If I remember hard enough, I can still feel the butterflies.

I remember our first date at the park. When it ended, you stepped in and kissed firsT because I was clearly too nervous and awkward.

I remember how comfortable we were together. We weren’t just boyfrIend-girlfriend…we were best friends. I haven’t been that comfortable in a relationship since you.

I remember your mother doing evErything she could to keep us apart, and how we’d sneak out at night and meet up, planning a future with 8 kids and a house on some tropical island.

I remember you were my first. How we’d spend the entirety of some days in bed. You can’t tell me you don’t miss that.

“Yes, of course I remember. How could I forget how you feel? You know you were my first time–a new feel. It won’t ever get old, not in my soul, not in my spirit, keep it alive. We’ll go down this road till it turns from color to black and white.”

–Frank Ocean

Then I remember it all coming to an end.

I’d be lying if I said I never think of you. Every so often, you’ll pop up in my dreams, and the feeling seems so real… Then I wake up. And I’d be lying if I said I don’t miss you.

From time to time I had delusional fantasies of restarting. Trying again. I even found the courage to look you up, only to find your page and see that you’d moved on–new guy and even a new little life. After swallowing the bitter pill, I knew it was for the best. It’s what you deserve.

“When some elements come together, they create a reaction that can’t be reversed. They transcend chemistry. …when some chemicals mix, they combust, and explode.”

-Dexter, Chemistry

But I do still hope you think of me too.

 

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