This is all I have.

“In the back of my mind, thinking, ‘Am I wasting my time dreaming?’ And I ain’t got no money in my wallet, but I guarantee there ain’t no way that I am going to leave this, cause I need this.”

-NF, All I have

Fiction, for me, is a place of rejuvenation. A place of serenity. It’s a place of calm, no matter what madness is held in that fictionalized world. It’s like the eye of the storm.

These worlds of fiction–they’re places I can always count on to be there, for they’re always with me. Always the first place I retreat to, no matter what issues the real world may be throwing at me. If life is too much, I flee to that safe haven of imagination. If life isn’t enough, I’ll still find myself back there. No matter the troubles, I can always close my eyes and step outside of myself into any of the infinite worlds my vast land of creativity can conjure up. At times when I feel I’m falling–when I feel I have nothing–the world of fiction is all I have.

“Lazy, is not a character trait of mine–don’t wait in line. This is the common condition of my state of mind.”

Have you ever wanted something so bad that it’s just all you can think about? Regardless of whether you actually want to or not? At first, it falls into your mind as a little seed, maybe undetected in its planting. But as you water it with attention, it grows, wrapping you in all its vines and refusing to let go. No matter what you’re doing, no matter the time of day, it’s always there in the home of your thoughts, knocking away at the door of your attention, begging to be answered.

Open up.

“Is this my calling or not, Father? Maybe I should just not bother; go back to that 9-5, but I am not a quitter, so quit that.”

It’s an obsession. The power of a fucking addiction, and you just can’t stop. Without it, there’s a growling anxiety that can’t be hushed without simply feeding the hunger exactly what it wants.

We all have dreams. We all have goals and desires. We each have an overall place in life we’d like to reach and person we’d like to become. We all have 24 hours in a day and paths before us, whether they’re paved or handmade. And that’s all we need–options and time. From there, it’s all up to us. Every choice is yours.

Where will you reach? Who will you become?

“Don’t tell me that this isn’t real. Don’t tell me this ain’t how I feel. This is all I have.”

Thanks for reading 🙂

-Jordan