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With You, I Feel Again

I never thought I’d say this, but it seems like love is what gives life meaning. In other posts, I said it was happiness, but it appears that happiness, amongst other things, can be found in love. I, for one, know that my life felt lacking in something essential before I found an understanding of this ‘L’ word–before I started using it myself. With that said, I’d like to tell you a story.

When was the last time you read a story that began with “Once upon a time”? Well then, allow me…

love

Once upon a time, there was a young, lonely and foolish man by the name of–oh, we’ll call him MrHush (That’s discrete enough, right?). Now, the one constant thing on MrHush’s mind, was–surprise surprise–himself. He did what he wanted when he wanted and without a care as to who his decisions affected. He cut ties, burned bridges, carelessly threw away relationships…and because of that, because of his selfishness, he payed. Hard were his lonely days and cold were his lonely nights.

It was fine though. He didn’t need anybody. Anything he wanted, he’d get it himself. He’d do some schooling, get that job, then get that nice apartment he’d had his eye on for years. In the meantime, a few relationships came…but would always go…

Fast forward over a few years of the same bullshit. History has such a way of repeating itself–no?

MrHush would work, write, eat, sleep, repeat–all the while, stuffing himself full of lies that said he was happy and where he needed to be. At night before going to bed, he’d stare at his reflection in the mirror and say, “This is it. You got the job, the apartment, you’re chasing your dream. This is the life you wanted.” Then, with a blank face, he’d turn out the lights and lay in the quiet dark. Just his heartbeat, just his breath. Then one day while sitting alone in his new apartment, pretending his cold heart had a beat, MrHush got a message–a message from a pretty blonde that was like the flap of a butterfly’s wings.

But isn’t it just so crazy the way one moment–one, short hour–can change your entire life? Had someone told MrHush he’d fall for a girl so quick, he would’ve given them a snort of derision. “Bullshit,” he would’ve said with a chuckle. To him, such feelings were impossible for him to feel…that is until he felt them. This girl, she shed a light on MrHush and showed him pieces of himself he never knew existed. As they spent day and night together, she filled all of his empty spaces. With every touch, she made his heart beat again; with every kiss, it raced. Finally, at night when he turned out the lights, he laid down beside another’s heartbeat, and another’s breathing.

Sadly, love isn’t always perfect, as MrHush began to learn. Sometimes, there are some things, some situations, that are just beyond his ability to control. But he won’t give up. He won’t let go, not of something so rare and so pure. All he wants is to give this girl everything she deserves. All he wants is to take her away and make her as happy as she’s made him; to save her the way she’d saved him. She plucked him out of the dark, dusted him off and showed him what it was to truly be alive, to feel again. And he’s never felt for anyone like he has for her.

When she’s not around, he’ll grin at the sight of her loose hairs on his bed; his heart melts when reading her handwritten notes; he reminisces, and maybe a bit too much, but the memories drown him. Sometimes he just wants to cry, dying with hope that maybe one day everything will be as it used to be, everything will be as it should be. Because a life without her, isn’t a life at all.

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Thanks for reading.

-Jordan Antonacci

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11 thoughts on “With You, I Feel Again”

  1. This is really sweet 🙂 not just the romance of it but reading your posts over the last ____ months and observing someone going through deep reflection and internal transformation.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you!
      Haha, yeah I guess I have kept a lot of it documented. It’s been a process. Can’t help but write about what’s impacting me at that moment…
      “Deep reflection and internal transformation.” Couldn’t have said it better. My favorite things to write about 🙂

      Like

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