I’ll Be A Killer Whale When I Grow Up

When I look into the mirror,
my reflection–
it’s no longer me.
My thoughts no longer
sound like mine.
There’s something ugly
that’s happening inside.
More malignant than
a cancer.
More malicious than
a monster.
And with the hunger of
a thousand starving lions.
A feeling like
when a star explodes
and turns into a black hole,
devouring anything,
everything,
surrounding it. Whole.

I’ll be a monster, clenching my jagged jaws over the captured.
I’ll be a killer whale, when I grow up.

Wintersleep, Orca

This winter has been cold.
Coldest I’ve ever known.
But the cold I feel is one that
no winter could ever hold.
One that pierces like a knife
and sends shivers through my bones.
I’ve been here so long,
this place feels like home.
Days are short and grey.
Nights are long and black.
It seems to always rain
in this world that I live in.

I’ll be a forest fire about to flood over an empire.
I’ll be a killer whale when I grow up.
I’ll be a monster.

Troubles have swallowed me up
and spit me out.
and the world is fucked,
because I’ll never be the same now.
Who I was
is six feet deep.
The me that you see
has no blood left to bleed.
No tears left to stream.
No feelings that can grieve.
Upon this world,
havoc I will wreak.

Thank you for reading.

-Jordan Antonacci
Twitter: @misterhushhush