Hey there 🙂
First off, thanks for responding to my dramatic title. I know I sound like a damsel in distress but believe me, this is important.
Since last November, I’ve been devoting every moment to myself to working on this novel I’ve been writing. It’s been a long and cold winter with a lot of fucked up stories to tell, but 250 pages later, here I am. The book isn’t QUITE done yet, but I’m at the point where I’m impatiently writing the drafts for my query and synopsis–which brings me to this post.
As many of you writers know, writing a query can be the most intimidating and tedious task known to man. Summing up 60,000+ words into 2-3 paragraphs is never easy. But it must be done. Below, I’ve included the body of my query (rough draft). Go ahead and give it a read if you don’t mind, and at the end I’ll ask my needy little questions.
Emilee Weathers is an investigative journalist eager to make a name for herself with the perfect story, no matter how she has to get it. The disapproving sounds of her displeased father have haunted her since high school, and she’s desperate to put them to rest. When a detective calls, asking Emilee to assist him in finding new evidence for a convicted serial killer’s appeal, it almost seems too easy. Ignoring all the unanswered questions, Emilee agrees and makes the drive out to Pigeon Forge in The Great Smoky Mountains—the area where the victim’s bodies were first discovered.
It isn’t long after Emilee arrives in town that the body of another, more recent victim surfaces. With the body showing signatures of the already-convicted serial killer, Emilee is left wondering if she’s happened upon the work of a copycat, or if the real killer was ever even caught. The more she looks though, the murkier everything becomes. The police begin withholding information and the killer seems capable of going to any length to protect his identity. On top of it all, when her investigations uncover the buried secrets of those closest to her, Emilee questions who it is she can and can’t trust in those mountains, if anyone at all.
Obviously, this is a mystery. Maybe I should’ve included that info above… My main questions are these: Do these two paragraphs hook you? Do they pull you in and leave you wanting more? If not, can you tell me why? I know only a few people have read the book so far, but if you have any input at all, I’d love to hear it.
Feel free to either comment below or email me at misterhushhush@gmail.com (you can also just go to the ‘contact’ tab at the top of this page.
Thanks so much! ❤
-Jordan Antonacci
Twitter: @misterhushhush
it is intriguing, but i think it needs more simplifying.
consider this: when you want to add a blurb to amazon or another publishing company, you have only a certain amount of space. only about 4000 characters, including spaces. what can you take out from the paragraph without losing the meaning?
also, you could join the goodreads community – beta readers folder, and pose this same question there. a few are bound to help you.
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Thanks so much for the feedback! I know I could take out the second sentence of the first paragraph and def do some rewording.
I also took your advice in joining the beta readers folder and I’ve already gotten some excellent feedback as well as another beta reader, so thank you for that too!!! 🙂
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you’re much welcome.
i had to hunt those help down as i had no clue either, and i would have appreciated if someone had pointed that out to me before – i know it would have saved me from a lot of disappointment and headaches.
i’m glad i could help. if you need anything, let me know.
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I really like the second paragraph, it sparks my curiosity and draws me in, wanting to read more.
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