I’ve always been extremely self-aware. Hardly a moment goes by when I’m not standing on the outside, looking back at myself. It’s truly a gift and a curse. Self-reflection can really help you to grow and mature–but at the same time, I’m never more judgemental of anybody than I am of myself.

“What he has in addition is pure empathy and projection,” Dr. Bloom said. “He can assume your point of view, or mine – and maybe some other points of view that scare and sicken him. It’s an uncomfortable gift, Jack. Perception’s a tool that’s pointed on both ends.”

-Thomas Harris, Red Dragon

So, we’re all different, right? Different, yet the same. As far as the vast majority of people goes, we all enjoy food, television, music, pointless materialist things, and the latest gossip; most of us have morning and nighttime rituals, heads filled with dreams, and a graveyard of goals never reached.

But then there’s how we’re all different. It seems that everyone feels like they stand out at least to a degree–so I’m sure a lot of you reading will understand how I feel when I say I feel different than different. I feel like the outcast of outcasts. The misfit of misfits. The lone man on the moon, light years away in a black space, looking down at the Earth. Alone.

Why am I stuck feeling such a way? Words can’t explain.

I don’t drink. I don’t smoke anything. I’ve never been to a strip club or sat at a bar. Some may say I’m missing out on life, but I just know that that life isn’t for me. My three uncles died from alcoholism and I was raised by a single loving mother, so I only know to treat women with respect.

You know, there’s a lot to say, so please, allow me to further express myself with this poem:

That Man on the Moon

Ever since
I was ten inches
I have been
different
As a kid
I thought, This skin
it just isn’t
meant to fit
Till I took
a breath in
and let this difference
settle in

Nothing I do
is quite like them
Maybe that’s why
I’m frightening
Maybe that’s why
I’m on the outside looking in
trying to understand
how to move like them

Maybe I can’t
keep a relationship
because I treat women
with respect
A silent phone
A quiet home
I guess you could say I
like being alone
Always stood out
Outside the crowd
A quiet mouth
A mind so loud

I’ve always died to
be like you
to move like you do
and be someone new
But I must not
have had a clue
because I am one
in a few
Plus they can’t
get my view
coz I am the man
upon the moon

Thanks for reading, fellow travelers of outer space! Don’t be afraid to embrace who you are. You’re different for a reason. Do something with it.

Sincerely,

Jordan Antonacci
Twitter: @misterhushhush