Blogging, poetry

Numb to the Feeling

 

 

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My tolerance is going up
and I’m getting numb to the feeling
I’ve been abusing drugs
and I’m getting numb to the feeling
I need you to show me love
coz I’m getting numb to the feeling
I need you to ride me harder when we fuck
coz I’m getting numb to the feeling

-Chase Atlantic, Numb to the Feeling

You drink coffee every morning and suddenly one espresso no longer does the trick. You take Hydrocodone on the daily for your pain and before you know it, you’re in need of a dose increase. If you climb mountains regularly, then each peak will need to be higher and steeper than the last. If you repeat anything long enough, it won’t be long before that substance/activity stops providing the pleasure it once did, and leaves you numb. That high, that joy, that feeling of success–it’ll no longer be there to greet you. What do you do then?

I imagine it happens to everyone. It’s happening to me right now. Much like the calluses on our bare hands and feet from prolonged use. As another year of my life passes, I can’t help but look back, reflect, and wonder how so much has changed so quickly.

Somewhere through the years of the short life I’ve lived, I misplaced my zest for life. I realize I’m not the same person and I wonder why. I wonder why I’m not as happy as I once was. I wonder why the things that used to bring me pleasure now have no effect on me. Is it depression? Do our personalities just take that much damage through the natural trials and tribulations of life? I imagine there’s only so much stress someone can take before who they were becomes unrecognizable.

Or…do some simply develop a tolerance to life?

A tolerance to life.

As another year passes
I turn back to reflect
But I may need glasses
to find what I miss

addicted2

Years turn to ashes
second by second
Just like happiness
and life’s zest

But what I’ve realized
is that it’s all about time
and looking forward
Not behind

This life we’re given
Oh so short and brief
Don’t take it for granted
as it could leave in a blink

Travel and explore
Try new things
This whole world is yours
Live it like a dream


 

Hi, everyone! Happy Humpday, and I hope you’re all having a decent week so far. As for me? Eh… I think after the 22nd birthday, it all starts going downhill. Lol.

I could still use some beta readers for a couple short stories I intend to submit to a publishing house. I could also use a few more stops on a blog tour I’m putting together for the release of my mystery novel, The Killed Conscience. If interested in either, please email me at jtantonacci23@gmail.com

Anyway, thanks for reading 🙂

Talk soon,

Jordan Antonacci
Twitter: @misterhushhush

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3 thoughts on “Numb to the Feeling”

  1. Hi Jordan. 22? Talk to me when you get a gray hair or a wrinkle. Lol 😉. I love how you finished this with knowledge that there is indeed many rocks left unturned. Personally, I feel like I still have so much to do. And with YOUR writing progress I see you do too. Let’s see…Writing, traveling , smiling at Mrshushhush. 🤗 life…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Donna!
      Really enjoying all your comments and compliments.
      Yeah, finishing on a high note is something I’ve been trying to do—regardless of how negative the beginning is. We can learn something from every experience if we look hard enough 🙂
      Based on your posts, you’re one of those free spirits—you’ll always have much more to do. Much more to see and much more to share. I look forward to your next post so I can see what you’ve been up to 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks Jordan, I really am as you say, a free spirit, but it took me a long time to let myself be ok with it. Haha. Careers, family, and social expectations often try to dictate life. When I realized that takdvme or leave me mentality worked better, I was much happier.

        Liked by 1 person

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