A Letter to Myself

Dear You,

No one in my life has ever caused me more problems than you.

They say nobody changes. With you, I’ve found that’s true, but it’s not. I’ve watched you change in the best way, yet remain the same in the worst.

All you care about, all you see, is yourself. The hunger of others is thrown in the wind while you feast. You don’t care about anyone but yourself. You have tunnel vision on your own distorted reflection while everyone else drowns in the waters in which you stare. Every relationship that comes, you kill. How many bodies have you buried, Monster? How many broken hearts have you collected and how many lies has your wicked tongue spit?

You are going to be alone. Forever. Just you and the resonating hum of your hollow black heart. You’ll never learn to care. You’ll never learn to love. Give that heart to someone who knows of it’s worth. You’re wasting it. Much like the life you’ve been given and the privileges you stomp while chasing petty craves.

You are the most self-destructive, narcissist, egotistical person I’ve ever met, and it doesn’t matter how much harm you cause yourself and everyone around you… you just keep doing the same shit. It doesn’t matter what you do or where you go, your patterns follow. You follow. No matter what you do, no matter where you run, you can’t escape yourself.

“Everyone wants an Argentina, a place where the slate is wiped clean. But the truth is… Argentina, is just Argentina. No matter where we go, we take ourselves and our damage with us. So is home the place we run to, or is it the place we run from? Only to hide out in places where we’re accepted, unconditionally; places that feel more like home to us. Because we can finally be who we are…”

-Dexter

You’re my best friend and my worst enemy. I love you but I hate you. You just are what you are—and if I could, I’d cut myself from you; free my conscience from your ever-present maliciousness and live happily. But wherever I am, you’re there, bringing me down. Because of you, I’ll never get to live a normal life, and I’ll forever resent you for that truth.

Truly yours,

You

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Hey peoples,

Thanks for stopping by and reading. Looks like I’ll be off work this next week, so I’m going to work really hard on this little project I’ve been mentioning, and hopefully, I’ll have something to share with you all this weekend.

Also, maybe taking a trip to Knoxville (again) next weekend. Pretty pumped about that.

Happy Friday! 🙂

-Jordan Antonacci
Twitter: @misterhushhush

 

 

Photography: Jordan Antonacci (yours truly)