I’m sick of feeling like I’m at the bottom. Y’all are all going to see me. One way or another.
Hello? Is anybody out there? Or is everyone just playing the same game of who’s Jordan? This isn’t a pity party, I’m just getting fed up with people seeing me then turning away.
I’ve taken a step away to look at my life and figure out what the hell is going wrong—and I feel like I’m losing it. What’s funny is I don’t even know what “it” is. Sanity? Stability? Directionality?
I feel like nobody sees anything from my perspective. Nobody understands why I wanna live my life the way I wanna live it, so they keep critiquing me and telling me what I should be doing. Telling me what I’m doing wrong, and I’m always doing something wrong. I feel like there aren’t many on my side but those who are don’t support me or my dreams.
Nobody supports my dreams.
Haha. So, my blog is a platform. Whenever I’m pursuing a dream, I’ll let everyone know coz I figure having 500+ followers will help a bit. That’s a reasonable thought, right? I figured that in a way, y’all support me. You follow me to see what other content I’ll be putting out, so…
But nah, any post detailing a new book, song, or vlog gets minimal views. They’d all rather read the fiction and poetry I post on here, they’d all rather wait for the book to go through it’s free promotion. “Oh, 1.99 for a novel that took 6 months? Eh… I don’t think I care that much. When’s the next poem though? When’s it coming out for free?” At least some are kind enough to ask for the links so they can at least act like they wanna buy it.
Even still, my posts don’t get that many views. Why the hell have 500 people chosen to follow me?! Everybody would rather give their attention to the “bloggers” that post 2-lined quotes and a pic from Google for every post. By the way, to you oh so talented artists 🖕🖕🖕 Y’all ever heard of Twitter?
The lack of support makes me wanna give up, dive into madness and dig my own grave. Honestly, right now that sounds lovely. I’m alone and with nothing to lose so it’d be easy. I feel like I’m teetering on the edge of something and wanna fall just to see what’s down there… but I’m gonna keep fighting. Coz if I make it… I just want to make it so I can turn around and spit in everyone’s face. You know? I’m at the beginning of the longest and hardest fight of my life and everybody keeps their backs to me. Who the fuck am I? Do I even matter? What the fuck I need to do to make y’all see me?
Thanks for reading