“She’s getting too close.”

Those words hold such a familiar sound as they echo through my life. I didn’t realize my tongue had become so familiar with such a heartbreaking sentence. But as they yet again fell from my lips like 100 pound weights, I realized I may have a problem.

I have a friend. He’s been a friend to the family for a while, so he’s always looked out for me like something of a father figure. Every so often, he’ll ask about the girls in my life.

He asked again today.

I didn’t think when I gave him a bitter shoulder shrug and told him “…this new girl is getting too close.”

He shook his head in disapproval. “You say that with every girl. Do you know that?”

After a brief, eye opening moment of reflection, I realized he was right. Not knowing how to respond, I shook my head and chuckled. “You sound like Mom.”

“Just because someone wants to be around you doesn’t mean they’re getting too close. You gotta stop that,” he said.

I knew he was right.


I complain when feeling lonely, but never want to let anyone in. “She’s getting too close.” It’s strange, because this last girl I was seeing was something next to perfect. We had so much in common that it was quite scary. We also had a great time together: staying out all night at the lake, watchings scary movies, talking for hours in a parking lot… She even got us a hotel room one night because she hated when I’d sleep in my car in parking lots. She genuinely cared–and even when it became obvious that I was distancing myself, she persisted, silently begging to get in. And what did I do?

I closed the blinds and locked all the doors. I turned off the porch light and left her in the cold dark, pretending I couldn’t hear her.

Nobody gets in. If they do, then they certainly don’t get out. Not alive, anyway.

Why I do this is something I can’t quite explain. Because I myself don’t know.

Opening up, letting someone in, becoming vulnerable–it’s just something that’s never felt natural to me. The thought makes me cringe.

I guess I’m just a very cold, detached, careless person…

And it’s insane, because everything I can’t let myself embrace is everything I’ve ever wanted.

What’s wrong with me?

Hey peoples! Thanks for stopping by MrHushHush Entries and checking out today’s post. As I write this, I’m sitting on a picnic bench beneath the swaying Gatlinburg trees in TN. So peaceful. Anyway, hope you liked the post. If so, please leave a like and don’t forget to follow along! ❤

Jordan Antonacci
SnapChat: jtantonacci

I’m sorry.

Check out my mystery novel, The Killed Conscience, on Amazon and Goodreads!

4 thoughts on ““She’s getting too close.””

  1. I’ve been following yur blogs for awhile and I think yur a real good writer . This post makes me sad tho . I was like u befor too and I lost my “one” becuz I pushed her away. If yur girl is as perfect for u as u make it sound u should reach out befor it’s to late. I tried get my girl back but waited so long she already moved on and since then I’ve had a few relationships but always felt something was missing and knew it was cuz I had lost her. Not telling u what to do, but I hate to see someone else make the same mistakes I have. Fix it before it’s to late. I’ll keep following yur posts. Keep up the good writing

    Liked by 1 person

  2. And as far as the girl goes, even though things did not work out, I know memories like swimming in the lake late at night even in the freezing cold, along with all the others will be some that she cherishes forever. Good luck and take care Jordan.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I hope one day you can accept that you deserve to truly love and be loved by someone. I hope you accomplish all of your dreams and you can one day be truly happy. Good luck with the rest of your life. I know you’ll be great.

    Liked by 1 person

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