Blogging, Life

Not Ready to Die

Hello fellow bloggers, readers:

This isn’t a feel good post–one which ventures out in search of likes and new followers. It’s a reality post–the kind some will stop reading because it offers to shed a light onto something they’ve pushed to the dark.

In this post, I’d like to revisit a topic that I’ve previously written over (as have many other bloggers); and that topic is regarding the brittleness of a precious beauty that goes by the simple name of Life.

Recently, I encountered a situation which sort of opened my eyes. Well, pried may be a better word. After the encounter, when I gathered myself, I wrote down this thought: You don’t know fear, till it comes to greet ya. You don’t know life, till it says see ya. I’ll very briefly explain this encounter later in this post. First, I’d like to ask you one of two questions:

Have you ever had a near-death-experience? Think about that for a moment. I don’t just mean, have you ever been in an airplane that took a nosedive into the face of a mountain and you still survived? What I mean is, have you ever had a moment where, for whatever reason, you thought you were staring at your road’s end? Maybe you thought you were having a heart attack or thought that guy wasn’t going to stop at his red light… Hell, in a sense it seems like simply being alive is a near-death experience. Especially in today’s world.

Life is fleeting. So beautiful, fragile… so brief. When I think of life, I think of a large grandfather clock dangling from a thin piece of string over a bottomless black hole. A tad unnerving, I know.

About that encounter…

So, I’m an “addict.” I say “addict” because, though I don’t abuse drugs regularly, I’ve gone back and for the with them long enough to say I have a very addictive personality. Addiction itself is a very serious and dangerous game. With the ongoing opioid epidemic, the number of overdoses are at an all time high. On top of that, there’s these counterfeit pills flooding the streets–most of which are laced. On this desolate, broken road of abuse, I’ve certainly had my share of moments where I feared my road had reached a dead end…

I imagine you see where I’m going with this.

So let me ask you that second question: If you’ve had a near-death experience, or strongly feared for your life, what was it you thought about? Where did your mind go? Maybe it was quick and all you thought was, Oh shit! Or maybe you’re a hypochondriac and diagnosed yourself with cancer and only 6 months to live. The internet, amirite? Regardless, what did you think? When you found out you’d be okay, what went through your mind?

For me, I felt an overwhelming sense of fear. Not for me or my life. Not for my roads untraveled–because I’ve lived. I’m satisfied. The fear I felt was for those closest to me. I wondered, and feared what they may feel. That thought alone made me feel like I wasn’t ready.

Finding what matters…

I find that too many of us strategically flood our spare time with simple pleasures and empty relationships. We purposely live in a haze and can’t ever see clearly. For me, it’s only when I spend lengths of time alone that I can actually sit down face to face with that monster known as reality, and see everything around me for what it is. I see what’s important, where to go… I see life.

And I won’t lie, that haze is nice. It lends us comfort in a world of cold hard truths. For the past few months, I’ve been living in it. Till I did something stupid.

I believe people are aware. I believe they know what is important, what matters–but I don’t believe they know how important their treasures are. At least, not until they’re staring at their road’s end.

You don’t know fear, till it comes to greet ya.

You don’t know life, till it says see ya.


Thanks for reading, guys. Truly hope you enjoyed it. If you feel you didn’t take anything from this, that’s fine. This post is merely a perspective on a lesson that requires an unwelcomed experience.

Take care,

Jordan Antonacci
Instagram: jordanantonacci
SnapChat: jtantonacci

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